Black Friday as Opposite Day

Un-buy what you’ve bought. Clear that clothes clutter!

This cockatoo is into gingham and bows, but figure out if you’re not. Photo by author.

That notorious closet is still jammed and you still “have nothing to wear” and you think you can 30% off shop your way out of this problem?! This week? month? SEMI-YEAR? of Black Friday, run in the opposite direction.

Let me tell you: you’ll feel some better about your body if you do whatever you know you need to do (whether more spinach, weightlifting, or sleep) but the real problem isn’t your body and isn’t finding the perfect clothes.

You need to take back your mental space by releasing what either you never should have bought in the first place or what has had its day in the sun and is now a dreary frayed relic of 2019.

SPOILER ALERT: you have managed to dress yourself every day. That stuff in the laundry hamper? That’s what you’ve been wearing.

SO WHAT IN THE HOT HELL IS EVERYTHING ELSE THEN???

I’ve read way too many articles online, watched a whole lot of YouTube videos, and read a multitude of books in a multi-decade attempt to get a handle on my clothes situation. There are so many people saying the same smart things out there about how to clear your clothes clutter, why to clear your clothes clutter, and how to keep your clothes clutter from cropping back up. Some of these insights land but many fall short for me; but I am now going to tell you, while literally sweeping through my wardrobe for the 5,732nd time in my life, what mantras and marching orders get me going.

#1 comes from clutter busting professional Brooks Palmer, who asks whether any given item is the equivalent of moldy food in the back of your refrigerator. Wouldn’t you rather have hot fresh lasagna?

This one hits especially hard, since I religiously stay on top of eating all the produce I get and never let anything to eat go bad. In other words, I take care of my resources. And then…there’s my closet. The magic trick here is to try on each item in front of the mirror, pretending you’re in a boutique dressing room, and ask yourself if you’d shell out for that item TODAY.

#2 is from the world of the wear-the-right-colors-for-your-season girlies. Is there an official name for this? All I know is that my whole life everyone told me I was a winter…