Bananas, Are You Actually Dying?

Photo by Mike Dorner on Unsplash

Bananas, I heard you were ill but are you actually dying? This was news less than a year and a half ago, but since then we have had bigger coconuts to crack. How are you?!

Ugh, as per usual the reason for potential demise lies in oppressive systems of conformity. Monoculture, or solely cultivating one species, can be the perfectly yellow Cavendish to slice on top of cereal or the tie-dye sweatpant of our current pandemic. Seems great until there are no other options, or simply none at all. Restocks on crops or colorways can take forever.

Listen, so much talk about the coronavirus and you’re out here with Panama disease and not an empty hospital bed in sight. Can we vaccinate you? You are absolutely a healthcare provider and an essential worker. My smoothies cannot function without you. Spinach cries while kale makes dry quips and frozen strawberry listens to a book on tape. She will literally only blend in with you there.

Truth is that everyone relies on you while simultaneously taking you for granted. Can you imagine the fury that a Fuji apple would emit were it to be priced at nineteen cents and left on a counter to go brown? The “EXCUUUSE ME” sung out by an overlooked pineapple? Even baby carrots get the dignity of a collective, an outfit, and a bath before being sold.

But never mind the vegetal showboats, and never forget that one of you was not so long ago duct-taped to a wall and sold for $120,000 at Art Basel Miami Beach. And I know you miss your friend Andy Warhol, but hang onto life on this dear planet just a bit longer. Maybe someday the avocado will fade into obscurity and it will be you who is the toast of the town.

Actor. Human cockatoo. Recently adopted a child's backpack.

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