Banana Bread Muffins Attempt To Solve My Current Problems
Hello, I am exhausted but somehow managed to make twelve baby banana breads I’ve now assigned the job of fixing all my woes! As per this gig economy, they downloaded the app to help but realized their hourly after getting hired would end up being trash and barely tried. Here are all the ways that these muffins decidedly did not solve my current problems.
How much did I truly need the comfort of dessert after hauling all my possessions into my new home in the middle of the pandemic? So very much. Yet these muffins did not deliver. Was there any sort of frosting or frozen icy element or chewy sugar involved? Chocolate, even? Was the baked good actually just a breakfast food? Doesn’t count.
NEED A FULL HOMEMADE MEAL
What would be great is if these muffins could be steamed tofu, broccoli, brown rice, teriyaki sauce, and butternut squash soup. Super cool if they could meet all my nutritional needs and fortify me to finish off the day. Damn it, they’re not even salad. Try harder, muffins!
NEED TO BE HUGGED BY A HUMAN PERSON
It’s been a long lonely year-plus hiding out from germs. Maybe if I stack the dozen buddies into some kind of a shape with arms? And do so right after they’re hot out of the oven? This can be the face — and limbs — of the pandemic at the fifteen month mark.
NEED TO BE DONE WITH THIS EXISTENTIAL CRISIS BROUGHT ON BY MOVING
As fortunate as I am to have a new place to live that doesn’t come with an upstairs neighbor who actually might be a giant parrot learning what happens when he drops objects on the floor, WHERE AM I?? It’s dark. How do any of the appliances work, and why do I own things I must unpack from boxes?! All the dogs on this block bark at 6:30 PM every day. WHAT DO THEY KNOW THAT I DO NOT; IS THIS ALL A HOLOGRAM??????
NEED TO SURVIVE UTTER EXHAUSTION AFTER SECOND MODERNA SHOT
Doubling down on my month of move, I also rushed to get the vaccine as soon as I was allowed. The first dose had me wrung dry, but the second left me with some appetite and bananas turning brown. Though it was difficult to muster the energy to stand, I was convinced baking banana bread muffins would fill the crevices of my exhaustion. Turns out tired doesn’t just live in the stomach.
NEED TO RECREATE A BRIGHTER TIME WHEN I REGULARLY MADE BANANA BREAD
There was a before time, without my attempting to hug and befriend a stack of hot muffins!? Vaguely I recollect baking banana bread which I shared with real live loved ones after germing all over each other at the gym. Back then the only job these edibles had was to get eaten.
Still, I wonder if a mini-loaf might be able to advise on search engine optimization. Or making my estimated payments for taxes. Or finding my second mixing bowl to attempt another batch.